After a 14-6 hit rate on opening week predictions, Frankie got ambitious and raised the stakes to 23 predictions in Week 2. He barely escaped the flop house with a 12-11 record. Lock the kids in their rooms, here are the gory details.
Week Two Hits:
1. Another C.J. Spiller explosion
2. Another Jonathan Baldwin and Tony Moeaki loser sandwich
3. A.J. Green making up for a mediocre Week 1
4. Easy pickings to bet against Jermaine Gresham
5. Matt Schaub underwhelming despite a quality Texans offense
6. Andre Johnson underwhelming
7. Wes Welker having a nice game
8. Ahmad Bradshaw struggling (yes, injury qualifies)
9. Don’t pick Vick unless you want interceptions and fumbles
10. RG3 comes down to earth a little bit against the Rams
11. Julio Jones disappearing against Denver
12. Von Miller getting a sack
Week Two Misses:
1. Brandon LaFell disappointing – not so fast there, Frankie boy
2. Brandon Weeden shedding the diapers for big-boy pants
3. Percy Harvin underperforming against the Ponies
4. Owen Daniels underwhelming (not that 6-47 is great)
5. Ryan Tannehill getting served up on a silver and black platter
6. Brandon Lloyd toasting Patrick Peterson for a touchdown
7. Betting against Rob Gronkowski
8. Betting on Vick struggling
9. Chris Johnson rebounding from Week 1
10. Nate Burleson disappearing (6-67 isn’t awesome, but he was present)
11. Elvis Dumvervil getting a sack
It’s still puts Frank at a respectable 26-17 after two weeks. Saddle up for Week Three, folks.
Rams versus Bears
Only in America can we have a showdown between a mountain creature representing a town that would slaughter, slather in barbecue sauce, and throw on the grill and a forest creature fronting a city that would also slaughter and turn into sausage, toppings for deep dish pizza, or both. Frank loves the players though. You know the NFL replacement officials are bad when Cortland Finnegan essentially praises them for letting you play football. Coming from Finnegan’s maw that’s about as good as an inmate from the New Orleans Parrish Prison System saying prison guards let him carry out his work as you watch a man bleeding to death in the background. Then there’s smoking Jay Cutler, the coolest anti-hero in the NFL. These two need to be on the same team. If Frank were to make a movie they’d be on the Raiders. If only Gene Wilder were alive to play a John Madden-like personality as the head coach. It could be the funniest football movie ever made and not that one with Gene Hackman and Kyle Orton. Expect Finnegan to have one interception and Cutler to throw two touchdowns. The flop of this game will be Sam Bradford, who will get an up close and personal Halas Hug from Julius Peppers, Corey Wootton, and Henry Melton.
Lions versus Titans
Matthew Stafford loves the AFC. He’s a man after Frank’s heart. NFC fans are pompous in nature. They’re the blueblood conference. The AFC is the working man’s conference, save some Patriots fans that are just outside the bounds of reality. Stafford has been flopping, but three’s the charm and Frank wouldn’t bet against him against a Titans squad that is close to being a shambles. You might fool Frank once. You may even fool him twice, but Chris Johnson isn’t coming out of that tailspin this week, is he? Frank thinks Johnson will earn enough yards against this overzealous pack of felines to prevent rioting by 1 out of 12 fantasy football owners, but they’ll still leave the game feeling uneasy about the Titan runner’s little person performance.
Jets versus Dolphins
Frank has a theory that Shonn Greene earns his yardage because he’s actually the first running back zombie. He’s not really fast and he’s not difficult to bring to the ground. The only real fear that defenders have is Greene biting them. Here’s a toast to facemasks. Unfortunately that facemask and helmet also protects Greene from shots to the head – at least enough for the Jets running back to only require a temporary absence from the game. Frank is hoping the Dolphins can figure out a way to put this zombie out of his misery. He believes those water mammals are smart enough to figure it out. As for Tannehill, Frank thinks Hess’ Fly Boys will carpet bomb the rookie QB/WR from Texas. With Darrelle Revis back, Tannehill will be looking at his dawg and saying, “Reggie, we’re not playing Oakland anymore.”
Bills versus Browns
This is the week where C.J. Spiller slows his roll and just comes short of 100 yards rushing. He’ll earn 110-130 total yards, but he won’t do what he did to the Masterpieces in Week 2. Trent Richardson is a completely different story. Frank ain’t even gonna look at that Frankenstein in fear of getting torn limb from limb. But expect Frank to give a strong, 100-yard stare in Mohammed Massaquoi’s direction. That dude can’t string two games together. Don’t expect it now. Weeden will have enough time make this a shootout with Harvard. In fact, Frank expects the Bills to flop in an upset. That’s for you, Mikey.
[Editor's Note: Damn you Frank!]
Green Bay versus Seattle
This may not seem like the game of the week, but the Salty Birds could have made a meal of the Cheeseheads that showed up to play the last two weeks. Frank thinks this will be an entertaining game because Russell Wilson can avoid this pass rush just enough and target his tight ends and backs in ways that he might render Chuckie Woodson a moot point. If this happens Beast Mode could get going and I think of all the Skittles in the pack, he likes the green and yellow ones the best. Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers may don the championship belt once or twice in the end zone, but only one of them will be passes. These birds have a pretty strict no-fly zone. This is going to be a very un-2012-like NFL game in the sense that the ground game will have a lot more emphasis.